sexy_sha | (no subject)

(no subject)

When Gojyo wakes up, he's back in his room.

It would have been so easy to dismiss the memory as a dream, and god, he would really like to. But the physical evidence is clear: the scratches on his chest are faint and nearly healed, but the ring of nail marks around the base of his cock will itch for another two days at least.

Not a dream, then.

He showers and dresses on automatic, chaining through a never-ending series of cigarettes (fresh, they're always fresh: the only thing that doesn't reset every night is him) until the room is lost in a cloud of acrid gray smoke.

He's never felt so betrayed. Love is supposed to hurt -- Mom taught him that -- but he never expected it to hurt like this. He's always known Hakkai would leave him one day. The people he cares about always leave him, that's just a given, like the sun rising. But to torture him first, until he broke and begged... that he can't forgive. Gojyo doesn't have much in the way of pride, but there are some things a man can't let go unpunished.

Hakkai is somewhere in this hotel, and Gojyo's going to find him. Now.

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Of course he's in the hotel. He always is, and at this rate, he might never leave. Not when the food and drink are free and the drugged air helps him forget things, even if it's just for a little while.

Today finds him in a small library, a book in one hand and a cup of tea nearby. He's still bruised from his run in with another vastly disliked redhead, but they're fading fast now, left to shift into soft yellow and dusty rose.

If the hotel wants them to find each other, they will. If the hotel wants to keep them apart then Gojyo could search until his hair went white and he'd still never find Hakkai. So he trusts the hotel to bring them together, choosing doors and hallways at random, until he finds himself in a small, quiet room full of books.

He doesn't remember punching Hakkai, although he suspects that he much have put up a fight when first chained down. This punch, however, he won't forget. "You son of a bitch," he hisses, storming across the tiny space. Without slowing, Gojyo coldcocks the man high on his cheekbone, then stands over him, glowering, daring him to respond.

Of course the hotel wants this. It thrives on the chaos as well as the lust and really, Hakkai should be expecting this. If he does, it really don't say much when he stares up at Gojyo from where he's sprawled on the floor, legs tangled up in the overturned chair he'd just been occupying.

For once in his life, there's no elegance in the line of his muscles. Just shock at the treatment, followed by a rather put upon sigh.

"I really am growing tired of people hitting me."

That sigh makes Gojyo want to punch Hakkai's face until it's unrecognizable. With a visible effort, he folds his arms tightly across his chest.

"Then maybe you should stop doin' shit to earn it," he growls. There's a shuffle of footsteps and the gentle click of the door as the only other patron in the library wisely decides to be elsewhere for awhile. Gojyo doesn't budge, his glare daring Hakkai to move.

"What th'fuck is wrong with you!?"

There's no way he can deny he's earned a good deal of it and by the way he glances off to the side, he's well aware of that fact. That doesn't mean he's eager for more bruises to cover the ones that are finally starting to fade.

He can feel the heat of Gojyo's glare even though he's not looking up at him anymore, but that of all things makes him want to move until he's at least sitting upright. Once he's seated on the floor, long legs still spread before him, he glances up at the redhead as a hand moves to touch the newest injury.

"There are many things wrong with me, Gojyo. Which part are you talking about?"

Hakkai's refusal to take him at all seriously is quickly funneling the burning rage into a colder, dead fury. It doesn't even occur to him that the hotel might be fucking with them, that this Hakkai might not have been the Hakkai who tied him up.

"You tortured me." No reason to not cut right to the chase. "You chained me up and you fucking tortured me for three goddamn days." His fingernails are digging into his palms hard enough to draw blood. "And for what? Not gettin' you off? ...You sick fuck."

Three days?

The clam facade of Hakkai's public face slips as his brow furrows. It wasn't three days! Hell, it wasn't even three hours. Licking at his lips, he shakes his head before he climbs back to his feet.

"... I found you in that room, Gojyo. I had nothing to do with putting you there."

Three days. He'd shouted until he was hoarse that first day, and nearly dislocated his shoulder with struggling on the second. Or did Hakkai think he'd break so easily?

"Didn't do a whole lot to get me out either, did you?" His cigarette burns down to the filter and Gojyo flicks it to the side without once looking away from Hakkai. He doesn't really give a shit if the entire place catches fire. Burn it all down, so much the better. "I knew you were a cold sonuvabitch, but I never thought..."

He doesn't bother to follow the smoldering filter. After all, the hotel will take care of it just like it does everything else.

Finally, he meets Gojyo's gaze and is more than a little dismayed at the anger he sees there. It's the last thing he wants to deal with right now.

"I was the one that freed you and I give you my word that I did not put you there. I was wandering the hotel and just found you chained in the room. I've never been in that room before."

"'Why should I?'" It's a pretty damn good imitation of Hakkai's tone, actually. "I asked -- I begged you to get me out of there, an' that's what you said. 'Why should I?'"

He'd really thought that Hakkai loved him. He'd really thought that Hakkai cared about him, respected him, fuck, thought he was a man! "You stood there an' you teased me while I fucking begged. Or are you gonna pretend that wasn't you either?"

And again, that taste of bile teases at the back of his throat. Going a little pale at the memory, he glances away again, lips pressed thin.

"As I said, I didn't put you there, but... you're right. I did ask why I should free you. In the end, I couldn't stand to see you in pain, so I freed you the only way I knew how."

"In the end?! After fuckin' with me for how long, exactly?" His fist lashes out, catching the edge of the nearest shelf of books. Bright covers and flapping pages fall in a pile at his feet, and when Gojyo turns to Hakkai again it's all he can do not to lunge for the other man's throat.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't fuck you up right here an' now."

"I was there for an hour, Gojyo. Perhaps less."

He looks down at the mess, sighing inwardly. Yes, he knows the hotel will take care of it, but it rankles Hakkai's nerves to see it. Knowledge isn't something to treat so lightly, after all...

However irritated the pile of books makes Hakkai, it's the not so subtle threat that makes his blood run cold. Green eyes slowly side from the mess between them up to meet Gojyo's accusing gaze.

"... you'll do as you want. You always have, Gojyo."

He doesn't even let Hakkai finish saying his name. Gojyo's fist flies out, sure and steady, and pops Hakkai right in the mouth, silencing him.

"An hour sounds about right," he snarls, cracking his knuckles audibly. "We gonna do this here?"

Bright pain bursts across Hakkai's vision and an instant later, he tastes fresh blood in his mouth. Doing what he can to spit as much of it out as he can, he feels his stomach knot up with dismay. He had no intentions of seeing Gojyo so soon afterwards, yet here he is, facing him down. Part of him cheers, as if it's been waiting for such a confrontation, but another part of him wants to crawl to the other and beg for forgiveness...

He won't beg.

Cool green eyes lock on the threatening figure ~~when had it become so threatening...~~ and of all things, he smiles and licks at the blood streaking from his newly re-split lip.

"Don't do this, Gojyo."

A second punch, this time a strong left hook, interrupts Hakkai yet again.

You said you loved me.

"Why shouldn't I?" he mocks, kicking the books at his feet aside to ensure his footing. "You left me hurtin' for an hour, figure I owe you the same."

I should have known you were lying.

He punctuates his words with another punch. And another.

Another wave of coppery warmth spreads through his mouth, but this time it sprays out in a fine mist as Hakkai drops after a couple of good punches. While he might be on the floor now, a good part of that is simply that it's easier to defend himself when he's a bit lower down. Of course, that doesn't mean that he's actively trying to stop Gojyo... In fact, he really isn't doing much at all.

As furious as he is, Gojyo can't just beat on another man when he refuses to defend himself. He raises his hand again, this time for a slap, but then changes his mind and drops his arm heavily to his side.

"You bastard." There's blood smeared all over his hands -- mostly Hakkai's some his own from a split knuckle -- and the stink gets up into his head as he lights his cigarette. "But now I know." It's almost funny, isn't it? "Now I know exactly how much I meant to you."

"Almost as much as I meant to you when you forgot me in lieu of that fucking bastard."

Yes, it's mean. So? Hakkai isn't as nice as he used to be. Really, was he ever?

Rising from the floor, he stares long and hard at Gojyo before moving to snatch the cigarette from between his lips.

"Stop it. You hide behind those damned things as much as I hide behind my smiles."

Immediately Gojyo responds by backhanding Hakkai as hard as he can.

"Don't you fucking touch me!" he shouts, far too loudly for the small space. "I've had enough of your hands on me for one lifetime."

He's not sure what rings harder in his head; the snap of Gojyo's hand or the verbal hate. Both circle in his head, spinning enough to make Hakkai almost nauseous but at the core of it all, that dark little kernel remains. It urges him to make the redhead pay.

He couldn't stand up to me if I really wanted to hurt him. I could hurt him so easily... I could make him pay... break him... kill hi-

... no.

One eye is already swelling up as he turns his head to look at Gojyo.

"... I understand."

Part of him winces as the bruises on Hakkai's face, but he doesn't let his discomfort show. Hakkai likes pain, right? Isn't that what he said? So he should be loving this.

"Do you?" he asks, pulling out another cigarette and daring Hakkai with a glare to do anything about it. "'Cause I don't think you have the first fuckin' clue." He jabs the cigarette at Hakkai emphatically as he speaks, sorely tempted to jab it into Hakkai's skin.

"I fucked some chick, and you made me beg.. And it wasn't th'hotel makin' you do it, you weren't bein' controlled. I fucked some girl, and you paid me back by pokin' at me while I begged... I fuckin' begged," he repeats, his voice cracking.

"And yeah, I didn't want to take your cherry," he continues, before Hakkai can interrupt. "I didn't want t'make you bleed, so how does that make me th'bad guy? For once..." His voices cracks again, and Gojyo sucks hard on his cigarette, blinking away the smoke. "For once, I thought you might like somethin' nice. Somethin' that didn't hurt."

He can't look Hakkai in the eye. His glare is fixed on Hakkai's face, but he's looking through the other man's head, not actually seeing him at all. "But if all you want is pain," he says at last, "then I'll give you pain, asshole. I'll give you all the pain you want."

Hakkai might like pain, but not this kind. This kind bruises far too deep and the wounds last far too long, but the thing that might just hurt worst is the fact that Gojyo can't meet his gaze. Chest tight and stomach in knots, he glances away, locking his gaze on a nearby wall.

Discomfort washes over him as he reaches up to touch his still bloody lip. How many times this week has it bled now?

"... I don't- I... I'm... sorry."

"I don't want to hear it."

The room is suddenly far too small and stuffy. Gojyo takes another drag off his cigarette and blows the smoke out to the side with a huff. Way too small, and way too dark. He needs to be outside, somewhere he can see the sky, with dozens of people around. Not trapped like this.

"You said you loved me," he says, finally meeting Hakkai's eye. There's no way for him to hide the hurt there, and he doesn't even bother trying. With a shake of his head, Gojyo turns for the door, calling over his shoulder as he goes.

"I should have known better."

"... how dare you?"

Heat flares under Hakkai's skin. It's a fire of anger and frustration, fanned by Gojyo denial and it's done something that Gojyo's beating couldn't do.

Visible eye blazing, he strides towards Gojyo, his body tense.

"At least I don't forget you while I fuck someone else. A pretty pair of tits and the green eyed monster you keep behind closed doors isn't enough to even think about, is it?"