sexy_sha | (no subject)

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Hakkai thought he was dead.

Gojyo tore thought the Hotel, hunting down every place he thought Hakkai might go. The big library, the small library, the library with all the books bound in green. The really big library. The gardens. The other gardens. His room. Hakkai's old room. Sanzo's room. Bars 1-63.

Nothing.

Hakkai had already killed him once, and now Hakkai thought he was dead. As angry as Gojyo had been at the way Hakkai had treated him, that was nothing in the face of the possibility that Hakkai might hurt himself... or worse. What would he do if he thought Gojyo was gone for good? And what would Sanzo do in response?

As the days ticked by Gojyo grew increasingly frantic in his search, running up one hall and down the next until he collapsed more than once. "All right!" he shouted at last, leaning against the wall in the middle of an empty hallway, dripping with sweat and out of breath from his search. "All right, you fucker, you win. You want us to screw? We'll screw. Just let me find him."

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For once, he did as he was told without comment but not without another look at the redhead. He didn't like not being able to read his friend, but even between friends, some secrets had to be safe.

Settling back on the plush bedding, he fought the urge to stretch out even more and let his eyes close. If they did when he didn't have something to keep him occupied, he'd more than likely fall asleep.

After a moment of hesitation, he let his hand finally move to touch Gojyo.

"... I'm sorry."

But Gojyo was already reaching for him, wrapping those long arms around his chest and pulling him close.

"Shut up."

The soft exhalation almost sounded like the ghost of a laugh. It was something that wouldn't have happened around anyone else. Not lately.

Sighing, Hakkai settled against Gojyo's lanky frame with an easy familiarity that he thought he'd forgotten.

They fit together so well. It was like they were designed to be pressed against each other. Gojyo settled his cheek against the top of Hakkai's head and allowed himself a moment of true relaxation. All the stress drained from his back and shoulders, and for the first time in days (years), he could finally breathe.

"I should probably tell you," he murmured into Hakkai's hair. "Th'hotel wouldn't let me find you until I promised we'd fuck. No," he interrupted quickly, before Hakkai could reply, "no, I know you don't want to, an' it's fine. I'm just lettin' you know why I'm gonna be pissin' with th'door open from now on."

His own tension faded a bit at the close contact. Of anything, Hakkai enjoyed being a tactile person and he found he'd missed physical contact, but that didn't mean he was ready for something more even if his body might think differently.

For a moment, it was so tempting to close his eyes and just rest against the redhead's warmth, but he knew if he did, he'd more than likely wake up alone.

"... it isn't anything I haven't seen before."

Hakkai sounded exhausted, and Gojyo felt a twinge of guilt. It wasn't like he'd had any say in being brainwashed, but the guilt was there nonetheless.

"...It's not just sex, you know," he said at last, before he could lose his nerve. "I mean, it is just sex, but..." Why was this so hard? "I don't just want t'fuck you because you're here."

This really wasn't working. "I should just stop talking now, shouldn't I?"

For a moment, Hakkai frowned but it was a fleeting expression. He was the one making things so complicated and he knew it. Expecting more than just sex from someone like Gojyo was unwise and nothing more than an exercise in futility.

Shaking his head, he just burrowed closer.

"It's fine."

That sounded like a it's not fine but I'm too tired to fight about it. And while Gojyo would love nothing more than to let Hakkai rest and be comforted, if he didn't get this cleared up then it was just going to keep coming back to bite them both in the ass over and over again.

"It's not fine," he protested quietly, giving Hakkai's arm a squeeze. This isn't a fight, no need to sit up, that squeeze said. "It's not fine, it's... okay," he tried again, "so, other'n Sanzo, which was totally not my fault, when have I ever fucked another guy? When have I ever come home smellin' like someone else's spunk?"

But in so many ways, that wasn't enough.

Hakkai had no intention of pulling away, but the distance still seemed to linger between them in so many other ways. He didn't care about fault or blame. He didn't even really care that it had been Sanzo... or was he lying to himself there? Really, could he say anything, though? He'd been with other men. Men he cared for, in fact.

"Does that psychotic redhead count when he was a girl?"

He'd been walking funny for days after that run-in with Schuldig. His ass still throbbed just at the memory of that huge fake dick he'd used.

"No it doesn't fucking count." He barely suppressed a shudder. "I'm talkin' about men. Real men. There hasn't been a single goddamn one, has there?"

"Would it make you feel better if I told you that I killed him for it?"

Yes, it was a subject change, but if anyone, he tried to be honest with Gojyo. Besides, in a way, he'd been looking forward to telling him.

Shifting a bit, he settled himself even closer to Gojyo's side, his hand moving to rest low on his belly.

Okay, that? That was unexpected. "You what?!" Unexpected, and very very nice to hear.

He pulled back a bit, just enough so that he could look Hakkai in the eye as he asked, "You killed him... for me?"

"Partially for you."

He met Gojyo's gaze evenly, but for a moment, there was almost a hint of a smile. To most people, such a thing would be a horrid memory, but for Hakkai, it was one of the better ones.

"Partially for myself."

Words couldn't say what Gojyo wanted to say nearly as well as a kiss would. Grabbing Hakkai tightly, he caught his mouth with as passionate, deep, and grateful a kiss as he'd ever given anyone.

It took Hakkai a moment to relax, then another to really start to respond, but once he did, it was as if something was slowly staring to thaw in his chest. To him, the kiss was consuming and welcome and something that screamed home at him. There was no way he could keep from responding.

I've never brought another man home, Gojyo had wanted to say. I'm not interested in men. Only you. I kiss women... and you. I hold women... and you. I've listened to your heart beating while you slept. I've had your cock in my mouth. I've fucked you, sober, when there were women I could have taken to bed instead.

The kiss shifted, from devouring passion to a gentler (but no less deep) exploration of Hakkai's mouth. Once again Gojyo took his time learning the taste of him, hands tentative on his sides and back tracing over the oh-so-familiar lines of muscle and scar and bone.

I don't like men. Only you. I don't fuck men. Only you. ~~And Sanzo, that one time.~~ With women it's just sex. With you... I don't know what this is.

But it feels right.

The gentle kiss was no less passionate. In fact, in many ways, it seemed even more so. It was a different type of intimacy, and something more than frantic fumbling in a dark room. It was the kind of kiss Hakkai had missed, even if he hadn't realized it until now. The words weren't necessary. They were obvious in the kiss.

It meant more than hearing them spoken aloud.

Each brush against sensitive scars and tense skin left prickles of fire in their way that threatened to thaw his chill soul a bit more. He met the touches with a low groan as he shifted against Gojyo, hands clutching at his shirt.

It took real effort to finally break the kiss. Gojyo fell back on the mattress, breathing hard, refusing to release his grip on Hakkai.

"You're still an asshole," he said mildly, shifting his legs around until they too were wrapped snugly around Hakkai's. Chest to toe, pinned together... just like they should be.

"But I guess that means you're in good company."

And again, there was the barest ghost of a laugh. That in itself was a sure sign that Hakkai hadn't truly laughed in quite some time.

As it was, he was more than content to stay atop Gojyo when had he ended up there.., pressed close to him. It was almost perfect, in fact, and that terrified Hakkai in so many ways. As entwined as they were, he didn't want to have to rely on anyone, even if he had been for years.

"The best of company."

He fell quiet for several long moments, his head settled neatly against Gojyo's strong chest, but while his body seemed calm, his mind was anything but.

"... you could always pay me back for what I did to you. I know there are restraints in this room. After all, I've tried to remove them plenty of times before now."

Gojyo stilled, staring down at the top of Hakkai's head with surprise. Pay him back? But no, he'd already paid him back, with interest. Did Hakkai really not remember the black eye, and the...?

...Oh.

Oh.

Hakkai wasn't offering him a chance to pay him back for the torment he'd put Gojyo through. Hakkai was asking to be tied up and tormented.

"Uh." Gojyo's brain might have been turning a thousand RPM, and his mouth might not have been able to form actual words, but the way Hakkai was lying on Gojyo, there was no way for him to miss that some part of Gojyo very much liked the idea.

Hakkai wanted this. Did Gojyo have any reason to object?

...None that he could think of. Well then.

"Yeah! ...I mean, uh, yeah. Yeah, y'know, you really deserve it. So I'm just... gonna have to give it to you."

In a way, Hakkai wasn't sure what he wanted, other than something familiar and what was more familiar than Gojyo and sex? It was something nice and physical and wearing for him, and it made Gojyo happy, not that it didn't make him happy as well. It was a connection that always seemed to work out in the end and right then, that was what Hakkai needed.

Hakkai shifted enough to peer up at Gojyo along the line of his chest, green eyes almost calm.

"You don't sound too sure about that."

"Surprised," Gojyo immediately corrected him. His hands slid down Hakkai's back to cup his ass firmly. Hakkai might not have much of an ass, but like so many things, Gojyo was getting used to the lack of curves there.

"Not unsure. Just surprised." He squeezed Hakkai's butt, the tips of his fingers rubbing against the seam of his pants right over his crack. "And surprised has never stopped me before."

He could remember at least one time that surprise had stopped Gojyo, but he had no desire to bring it back up. What had happened when he was sporting a bit more curves was something he kept to himself and he intended to keep it that way.

Huffing under his breath, he laid his head back down, intent on getting comfortable again. He might've suggested what had Gojyo interested, but that didn't mean he'd just roll over and let the redhead do as he pleased... well, maybe it did, but he'd still have to work a bit.

"I see."

Hey, that wasn't... that was different. Totally different, and not something to bring up when things were going so well.

Those insistent fingers pressed harder, rubbing the rough canvas seam over delicate skin... as much as any part of Hakkai's physical self could be said to be delicate. "Gonna make me work for it, huh?" he laughed, chest shaking beneath Hakkai's head. "All right. Suppose that's fair."

And just like that his voice shifted, sliding down the scale to a sensual, rumbling bass. "I have t'admit, I kinda like it when you play hard t'get." The fingers on Hakkai's ass set up a driving rhythm then, down, and up. And down, and up. "So you go ahead and just keep on protestin'."

Even the infamous Hakkai knew when to keep his mouth shut. Most of the time.

This wasn't what he intended when he first saw Gojyo in the hall so close to his room. Not this play on control. In fact, he would've been perfectly fine with a few exchanged words, or so he thought, but then he'd actually seen him and felt his arms around him and really, since when could they just talk...

The sound of familiar laughter soothed over the remaining raw edges of Hakkai's nerves, but the shift slid over them and called a whole new kind of friction. It made Hakkai want to slide against him and put this little game to a quick end, but for now, he'd play along.