He could still remember the feel of the cold knife blade ripping through his wrists. It almost itched, that memory, deep down almost in the bone itself. Unconsciously, he rubbed over the spot with his thumb.

"This is gettin' to be a habit," he chuckled wryly, trying not to let his horror show. Hakkai looked... fuck, he didn't have a big enough vocabulary to describe how he looked. Really really bad didn't even begin to cover it. He should have been faster. He should have made his deal with the Hotel sooner. He should have...

"An' I've got this shit monk always telling me about attachments an' shit. As much as I don't want to do anythin' he says, I think I'm gonna quit this habit for a bit, whaddya say?"